Funny things, hormones.
When you’re adolescent, they kick in big
time – and we can’t wait for them to do their stuff. Boys check the mirror each
morning in search of whiskers to shave. Girls anticipate the hormones’ arrival
with the lyric best expressed in “A Chorus Line” – “tits, when am I gonna grow
tits?”
The bodily changes happen and things
pretty much stay the same through middle age. But as we get older, something
strange occurs. The hormones are back. But the second time around, their effects
are reversed.
Women start getting a little more
testosterone, perhaps to give them a hand with increased assertive behavior
when they outlive their mates (as most women do) and have to run the show on
their own. But with testosterone comes those whiskers the teenage boys were
longing for. Older women become more hirsute. You may have noticed this when
you kissed your grandmother and got whisker burn. The electric shaver becomes
one of an older woman’s best friends.
Men start getting more progesterone,
perhaps to finally get us more in touch with our feminine side. We tear up in
movies more easily, and don’t care who knows it. We seem to be more empathetic.
And those tits? Yes, men start getting them, too.
I didn’t notice at first that it was
happening to me, because I was working out, lifting weights. “Man, look at
those pecs!” I’d marvel. The weights must really be working.. But then I began
working out less. My biceps and triceps pretty much returned to their
pre-workout size. But the “pecs” stayed as is.
Fortunately, I’m pretty lean of build so
my man-boobs aren’t all that big. If you’re a heavier guy, though, you may want
to consider slimming down some before your polo shirts start looking as though they were designed for Dolly Parton.
As I said, funny things, hormones. And funny
thing, life. We start out in diapers. Boys grow whiskers. Girls grow breasts.
Then women grow whiskers. Men grow breasts. And we ultimately end up in diapers
again.
All you can do is laugh.
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